Growing Up in Kindness

First Memories in Childhood
One of the first memories I had was a large garden, a garden with flowering plants. Every morning I would excitedly go out with a few handfulls of bigas to throw out and attract the chickens. I would fondly watch the birds as the go loco for the rice grains the moment the get sprinkled in the dew laden morning grass. I also recall the first dogs I ever knew, Happy a white furry pure bred dog, Berto and Berta, two slim Azkals. They were not exactly our dogs but the frequented our garden because the owner, my uncle lived beside us.

I had my first friend too when I was 6 years old, his name was Totoo. He lived in the first floor of our house which my mom rented (my mom was indeed very smart), part of the rent proceeds went to paying off the house loan. Totoo Was very street smart, he took me to places in the village that I never knew existed, I did not mind being under the hot sun or coming home all dusty and sour smelling. It was fun.

I had friends who were street kids. I know the names of the two of them until know, Alex and Alexa. You see when you were 6-7 Years old you don't care whom you played with. Aside from having decent wearing clothes, there was no way for kids to discriminate each other back then. Playing Tumbang Preso was a favorite past time as well as Hide and Seek under the moonlight, I recall I could still do this before because there was not much residents and vehicles in our little spot in Paranaque at that time.

I guess this was the foundation of my kindess. There was innocence and trust all over, I really thought at that time the world works just like that. All of this got shattered when I went to school.

When School Shattered my Idea of Kindness
When I went to school, I lost touch of my old friends, there was no decent goodbye. I just got picked up regularly by the school bus service and little by little we drifted away. There were times that I would see them from afar but I got shy whether I should stay and greet. School Shattered my Innocence.

It was evident that boundaries exist and that boundary is called social class.

I was not happy in my old school, Immaculate Heart of Mary School in Paranaque City. The kids were pretty mean to be because I spoke in a different kind of English. My bus-mates made fun of me because I so miss home. It was even worse in grade one, my classmates would hide my stuff from me. It was only when I got so pissed off mad and threw my crayons at them that they apologized and promised not to do it again.

It was that point where I tried to hide the kindness in me, I tried to act tough- even tried to be one of the mean kids. When I was from Grade 5-7 I gained notoriety, on these years I wasn't exactly one of the bad boys (I'm too smart to join their bulakbol barkadas) but I did go into plenty of trouble. I was doing mischievous things to classmates, to teachers.

What was interesting though was that despite all of these I had friends and I maintained friendships with kind people. I could never do something mean to them. This is when I realized that the kindness in me never died it was just there waiting for the right moment for it to peer out.

Kindness Temporarily Reemerges
Fast forward to Highschool. I am happy that I got more in tune to this side of me in my High school years, this did not spare me however from having a rebellious streak. I was always feeling jealous of classmates who had better stuff than me (I was brought up in a very frugal family). In second year high school I joined the COCC. Cadet Officer Candidate Course, this not only gave me a wonderful system of self discipline, I found brothers and sisters. They were my support group and while I can vent my bad boy side in doing commands and physical endurance exercises, I had a kind side that always respected my friends.


Fall From Grace
This kindness temporarily died in my college years. I let arrogance take over, I let pride took over. I did not listen, I did not study hard in my first 2 years, I justified this by the need to socialize and to date. I broke hearts. In the last term of my second year in De La Salle University, I had a break- I was a leader of our thesis team. This is when I let pride take over kindness.

I had a fall- a high fall from grace.

I prayed and went to the Chapel in St. James to find direction.

It was a very humbling experience.

My Realization
Perhaps this was the time where I finally got that moment of truth and got in tune to what I really am. I am kind. I really am. Reflecting back, I now see that every activity done in kindness had no hangups and no bothering conscience. If I were to be tough it will be so in order to protect a kind heart. I see myself as a knight with intimidating iron Armour but a soft side inside.

Oh why did it take this long for me to realize it? Why?

Now at 28 I am about to finish this blog. I have fallen in love with a woman whose previous Facebook status was about her inherent kindness. Could this be a message? I correct myself- This is a message.